New Year New Life (and blowjob tips)

Hey kids! Domina here. It's been just about two weeks since another fantastic #LivingSexy event and I wanted to put up a quick post to let you all know I am thinking about you and still reveling in the sensual memory of it all. It was my fifth NYE with www.sinn-ergy.com and my 7th??? event with them...and honestly, I think it was the sexiest event yet. The couples that attend are so open, flirty, sexy and funfunfun! I loved meeting everyone at our two seminars, discussing the ABCs of BDSM and the best tips for oral. Class participation is one of my favorite parts of teaching and trust me when I say this class really participates! It's one of the few places I teach a class about 'blowjobs' where men and women share the space. It makes for some very interesting dynamics for sure. When I brought this up a male attendee was compelled to ask, "What would you say to the women if we were not present." Good question. I took a few steps back, but my head down, rested my hand on my chin then it came to me in a flash (there's a lot of good info up there folks) and I said, "I would tell them to make sure your man knows you WANT to do what you're doing."

We all know (I hope) the discrimination and sexual shaming that women experience from a very young age. But men are fed similar lies, often around the shaming women receive, and the result is a verty unsatisfying mixed bag of bullshit that prevents pleasure and stymies connection. So therefore, yea, a lot of men are taught women don't like to give oral. And if you're a women who is already nervous about pleasing your male partner, trying to please someone who thinks you're not enjoying it makes it hard to give, because he's not able to receive. So yea, ladies, grab that cock like you mean it and let him have it lol

Wow, this quick up date has turned into another lesson on blowjobs, but that's always the most popular class because why? well, among other things - basics, basics, basics. fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals. In life, in art and definitely in love.

Speaking of love, if you follow me at www.twitter.com/dominavontana then you know that slavee paid Mistress a surprise visit this week, appearing out of the darkness like some mysterious dream figure. But it was him, not a ghost. MIA since exiting rehab a week prior and still, thank the Goddesses, stone sober. Living with a loved one who lives with addiction or mental health struggles is a part of my GD daily life. It is my ownership of him that gives me the courage and strength we need everyday to push through, and the faith and hope to believe that healing is possible and we WILL make it together. Between that dream and reality lies a minefield of bureaucratic and family bullshit. But I'm a warrior goddess and I fight for love, my love, my slave. I know he wears my collar and technically I own him but my love and my energy belong to him and his needs because he's just that god damn special. If you ever meet him, you'll know what I mean the moment you see us standing next to one another, because I've heard it so many times from casual observers. What we share is special and has been in the works for nearly a decade. It is the real thing, #kinkylove. Without that "kink" part we would have no "love". I don't know how vanilla families living with similar struggles do it, I just know that I'm grateful I love him the way I do so I have the dedication necessary to draw the boundaries he needs, enforce them as best we can and continue the up hill battle to find proper medical care in a system that is overwhelming, inadequate and expensive. If you know someone who lives with the disease of addiction or is a survivor you are the reason I speak out. Because so often the families suffer right along with the loved one, but all resources are dedicated to the one in recovery. Often I feel forgotten by the available healthcare even though I'm the person closest to him. So if you're in a similar position, I don't want you to feel forgotten. I want you to know I'm there with you, battling and building one day at a time for a better future for our loved ones and our families. 

Shit, another layer revealed. I've hinted before about our lives, but really 2017 is about getting real. I'm done hiding. If you love, love all. There is no other way. 

And book. yes BOOK. it's happening. the proposal, the drafts, the read through with amazing friends. I can't WAIT to launch this chapter in our lives. I love you all. Goddess I do! thank you for all the support and memories we've shared over the years. Mistress looks forward to many more. Hugs.

The ABCs of BDSM - Sinn-ergy Seminar

 

CONTACT/FOLLOW-UP Mistress is always available to answer questions for Sinn-ergy members. My email is dominavontana@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter @dominavontana or on Instagram domina_vontanadc.

SHOUT OUT Thank you so much for joining us for NYE with at Sinn-ery, A Red Carpet Affair. This is my fifth year at this event. It has been a great source of professional growth and personal pleasure. I look forward to returning every year and want to thank the organizers and their amazing team of dedicated fantasy creators that make this event a reality.

THE ABCs of BDSM

The intention of the ABCs OF BDSM is to equip you to successfully negotiate your first scene. In order to get what you want you must know how to ask for what you want. BDSM is an 'umbrella term' so it includes many different styles and types of activities under one acronym but it is not inclusive. In general, the language used in BDSM would be considered taboo, strong or offensive in most vanilla setting so it's important to remember this when first encountering the highly specialized use of language in BDSM.

B - bondage, bottom

D - Dominant, Dominatrix, dominance, discipline

S - Sadist, submissive, slave, switch, sadomasochist

M - Master, Mistress, masochist

Power Exchange – the type of play where the giver accepts responsibility for the receiver and as a result the giver acquires the receiving player’s power and the receiver is able to experience a feeling of powerlessness  

Top – a giver in the type of scene that involves play but not power exchange

Scene - the kinky event, where to or more people come together to play

Play - the exchange between two players

Players - two or more people who share a scene

NEGOTIATING THE SCENE

“You will not get what you deserve, you will get what you negotiate” – unknown

“You learn more about a person in an hour of play, than in a year of conversation” – Plato ??

All players involved should give consent*. The * in consent if for ENTHUSIASTIC. All players involved should give ENTHUSIASTIC consent. This includes Tops and Dominants.

A negotiation can last a few minutes or a few months depending on the situation, location of the players, availability of play spaces and the complexities of the desired scene.

Anticipation is an important and satisfying part of the negotiation process. The negotiation process, whether in person or online or both, is intended to give both players the opportunity to share information like safewords, hard limits, previous experience and desired outcome.

MORE KINKY DEFINITIONS

Safeword – a predetermined word or phrase that may be spoken by the player to stop the play or take a break to discuss the direction the scene is going

Vanilla – any type of sexual activity that is NOT considered alternative, the kind of sex that everyone likes, because everyone likes vanilla ice cream

Slut – a word used to describe someone who really enjoys an activity, ie bondage slut

Goddess – a female or female identified player who enjoys worship, the sensual arts and service

Domina – a word used interchangeably with Mistress or Dominatrix, historically Domina was a title awarded to a woman of common background who through her own efforts acquired land and an education

Ritual and Protocol – structured performances and procudures guided by the Dominant’s wishes and preferences that are intended to bond players through clear expectations and repetition

 

TYPES OF PLAY

Service – domestic duties, ritual, and body worship

Sensation – candles, electric, fur, fire, needles, leather, latex, deprivation

Sensual – typically a softer, often more romantic style of play that foregoes pain as part of the scene, a type of sensation play

Objectification – when the giver in a scene strips the receiver of their humanity and regards them as an object or animal rather than a human being

Impact – spanking, flogging

Cathartic – a scene where the receiver experiences an endorphin dump that results in an altered state of mind often resulting in the ability to release stubborn emotions

Direct sexual – a scene or exchange that includes direct sexual contact such as anal, oral or vaginal penetration

Announcing the next two Mantras #13mantras

in ,

Ok Kids, new week, new blog.

I’ve been kicking it in the Carolina’s because the weather has been puuurrrfect, but now it’s time to head home.

In case you’ve been wondering what’s up with my new project, the next set of mantras is forthcoming, in the final stages. My only hiccup has been locating reliable filming equipment. I believe there is a public access program somewhere with enough chops to support this project. And hail to them when this hits.

But the manuscript is done and ready to go and drumroll please…the next two mantras (a couple of my favorites) aaare…Negotiation and Adventure…let me break it down for you…

Negotiation is what comes first, before the play. Negotiation can be as simple as you like but I prefer a lengthy negotiation because I love to watch a submissive squirm. So your mantra for November is:

“You learn more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” Will go more in depth with this with the manuscript later this month and vids that will only be available on my exclusive site. Some give credit to Plato for this quote, you can search Goggle and decide for yourself. I'm rolling with it because it's hopefully not the first time any of us have heard this little ditty, but it certainly won't be the last. And I love to play! so Mistress is excited to share this mantra with you next because the better the negotiation the better the play. 

The mantra for December is: Adventure Mode! This is the only mantra that gets double capitalization and an exclamation point because it is after all – Adventure Mode! And for December I will be taking you with me to Mexico (because I will have located a damn camera by then) and I will be there along with my Mother, or as she likes to call herself “Mommee Dommee, aka Mom of the Dom.” If there’s any question you’ve ever had about me, meeting my mother in Mexico will surely answer some of them. She has no idea it’s coming by the way. I’m gonna spring it on her guerilla-art-style because the last thing you want to do is give my Mom a chance to think about anything that makes her anxious. That’s a nono. Plus I know she'll love it. 

In addition to copies of my never before seen manuscript, informative videos and bonus content, I'll also be taking your questions! By the end of the year I will have a complete package available for the first three mantras - October (first times a dry run), November (you learn more in an hour of play than a year of conversation) and December (Adventure Mode!), along with a way to submit your question.

Until the end of the year every subscriber gets one free question up to 1,000 questions. That may sound like a lot but Mistress loves answering your questions! Again, this is about you and opening up your journey into greater self-discovery and satisfaction. 

The project is off to a great start and behind the scenes I’m hitting my groove with all this nonsense and will have items available to you the week before Thanksgiving. Because the week after thanks giving we’re off to Mexico! And we come back in December to discuss adventure mode and host the 7th annual @LivingSexy #NYE party. Mistress will be in attendance all weekend. Get your tickets, here www.sinn-ergy.co

 

 

Upcoming Appearances - When and Where to learn, serve and play

Halloween - 2nd Annual Witches Ball and Brew Ha Ha, for those of you on Fetlife you can RSVP here https://fetlife.com/events/429590. -Wonderland- is the host and the venue includes outdoor play areas (oh hell yea bring on the sensual night sky while I strike you) and a Dexter Room (this heavy medical slut is about to make some human pin cushion very happy).

 

November 10 - John Hopkins University, Human Sexuality and Gender, Guest Lecturer. I will be accepting sessions in DC from Nov 8-13. Please email dominavontana@gmail.com for availability.

 

December 30-31 - Another amazing #LivingSexy event is about to happen. This is my favorite event every year filled with sexy, passionate couples. I will be teaching a BDSM 101 seminar Saturday afternoon. Visit www.sinn-ergy.com for more info. Total hotel take over. 500+ couples. Formal NYE party followed by an after party that you will never forget, and I’ll be there once again with my team to host the dungeon. Wanted to try something? This is your night to do it...Mistress will be waiting.

 

And if you have not yet check out my latest project, 13 Mantras, do so NOW! It’s a multimedia journey through the dungeon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sRpXt8qgkk

Pleasure V Desire - The Erotic Crucible of Intent

Pleasure and desire are not the same thing. Plenty of people desire something that is no good for them. The difference with BDSM is that we combine the two – pleasure and desire – and the result is actually something good for you. Kinky individuals often endure undesirable scenarios for the perceived pleasurable outcome. In this way BDSM is akin to exercise. Sometimes the pleasurable reward at the end is an orgasm, but more often than not the most precious consequence is a fresh memory that will result in many more orgasms later on.

Orgasms are after all a physical phenom and by experiencing the real thing, the cycle is supplemented. Bonus – endorphins. The endorphin dump occurs during or immediately following the undesired experience, for example a spanking severe enough to be uncomfortable. A real time physical experience of a frequent fantasy serves to reinforce the capacity of the mind to keep the scene alive and fresh enough to elicit the common response – an orgasm either alone or while with a partner. Yes, your partner fantasizes about other people during sex and so do you.

So the reason BDSM is all about fantasy is not because it’s not real sometimes. It’s all about fantasy because at its core even the smallest experience with BDSM seems to result in memories that are longer lasting and more powerful than the average sexual occurrence. Or at least that’s my conclusion after talking to 1,000 of people about their sex lives. Strong memories serve to fuel the erotic imagination long after the scene has ended and the toys are put away.

Those on the outside often confuse desire and pleasure and conclude that kinky people are somehow different, or more dangerous than themselves. The truth is kinky people are just better at being adventurous. Taking risks doesn’t come naturally to everyone. And it takes a certain degree of comfort with risk to engage in a lot of kinky activities because the objects although often common, are portrayed and applied in ways that are uncommon, ie perverted. If you want to try a little kink, pick a risk you are comfortable with and dive right in. The pleasure will out weigh the pain, I promise.    

 

Spend the Night in the Stars #NYE #WashgintonDC #LivingSexyDC #LiveSexy #Dungeon #Mistress

Early Bird ticket sales ends Dec 14 at midnight – Save $125+ per couple

This NYE Sinn-ergy is hosting their 5th annual event. This year’s theme is “MidWinter Dream.” The dress code is formal. The theme is black, white and silver.

This year’s venue is stunning. The after party space has a nearly panoramic view of the Potomac, up above it all. It offers total privacy and the opportunity to play among the stars. The guest list is curated by the host who was has attended similar events all around the world. He uses is global understanding of the lifestyle and naturally sensual esthetic to create one of a kind events from beginning to end.

NYE with Sinner-ergy is an event within an event. The first party is a sexy extravaganza. One of my favorite elements of the event is how much thought the guests always put into their fashion choices. The first time I heard about rent the runway was at one of these events. The woman was wearing a $5000 Bradley Misckah gown and it showed. If you can manage to pull your eyes off the twinkling crowd you’ll be treated to feast on live entertainment by a variety of professional performers.

The after party happens as soon as the ball drops. Each room has a different theme and the event is BYOB. Thoughtful supplies are always available including lots of water because it is always a long, hot night. This year’s dungeon is going to be a femme fatal free for all. I’m bringing all my best girls. I cannot wait to party with my fellow Femdoms and put some moves on the crowd. If you ever wanted to try something different, we’ll be waiting for you.

 

 

Feeling Blue

We’ve all heard of the red room. And even before that, some of us knew that “red” was the most common safe word. Then if you played with others there might be a “yellow” but usually there was no “green” because let’s face it – everyone agrees green is the agreed upon signal. When it comes to BDSM once the game is on, the scene has started and the implements have been applied and snapped into place “green” is what it’s all about. Do me do me do me please! Am I right? or in My case, I’m going to do do do you! 

But even in the doing certain things feel better than others. Some things even feel JUST SO GOD DAMN RIGHT. So perfect. All at once your Dom(me) hits that perfect spot in such a way that it is not only exactly the sensation you’ve always craved and never known was possible BUT – it is repeatable. You know and your body is screaming at you that if they just repeated that one little stroke or whip of the implement (hand, crop, actual whip lol) that you could feel that good all over again...and again...and again.

Well friends, in that moment, let me introduce you to BLUE, your new best friend and the latest safe word making the hot rounds of the even hotter, sweatier dungeon play parties and bedroom showdowns.

It’s that simple – sure if you want it to stop, say “red.” If you want it to slow down, say “yellow” and if your Dom is doing something right, oh SO righ that you think your spirit might have just exploded inside your body in ecstasy, well then…for Goddess’s sake SAY IT - "Blue!" Because now you have a word for that too.

Because knowing what you don’t want (red/yellow) is important, but knowing what you DO want? Is empowering.

So next time your honey caresses or cracks you with just the right toy tip or tool? TELL THEM

Say it sub, I want to hear you say it – “Blue.” Because even tops need to know when they’re doing something just right, because NO ONE is a mind reader. And you deserve to feel as good as humanely possible. 

bluuue...means do it again please 

Welcome to My New Website!

It's been nearly five years since my last website was built - can you believe it! And the best part, I still have the same webslave. Except now he's my husband too. Service for real. Thank you so much slavee, Mistress is very blessed to have you by my side (and at my feet sometimes too).

This site will focus on events and my newest exciting offering - original erotic! Soon there will be audio and print files for you to download. The first story is already in the works and my beta readers tell me it's a winner. All my erotica is based on real events, but embellished for your enjoyment. I look forward to this new chapter. Pun intended. It's always exciting to find new ways to reach out to my  audience.

Speaking of...be sure to check out the events page for information about upcoming workshops and play events including this week's class at Lotus Blooms. If you're in the mood for gorgeous gear and stimulating education, join us on Friday in Old Town Alexandria. 

Finally, there is something BIG in the works for this summer. U Street is never going to be the same again, and I promise - they're gonna like it! And you will too. Stay tuned for more information. We should be making an official announcement in the next few weeks.

Much Love, Domina Vontana

Meet DC's Most Eligible Dominatrix →

Meet DC's Most Eligible Dominatrix

One of my favorite interviews ever, because I was able to write my response to the questions therefore maintaining control and making sure to avoid the titillating, stigmatizing lens through which my industry is often portrayed in the media.

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