Pleasure V Desire - The Erotic Crucible of Intent

Pleasure and desire are not the same thing. Plenty of people desire something that is no good for them. The difference with BDSM is that we combine the two – pleasure and desire – and the result is actually something good for you. Kinky individuals often endure undesirable scenarios for the perceived pleasurable outcome. In this way BDSM is akin to exercise. Sometimes the pleasurable reward at the end is an orgasm, but more often than not the most precious consequence is a fresh memory that will result in many more orgasms later on.

Orgasms are after all a physical phenom and by experiencing the real thing, the cycle is supplemented. Bonus – endorphins. The endorphin dump occurs during or immediately following the undesired experience, for example a spanking severe enough to be uncomfortable. A real time physical experience of a frequent fantasy serves to reinforce the capacity of the mind to keep the scene alive and fresh enough to elicit the common response – an orgasm either alone or while with a partner. Yes, your partner fantasizes about other people during sex and so do you.

So the reason BDSM is all about fantasy is not because it’s not real sometimes. It’s all about fantasy because at its core even the smallest experience with BDSM seems to result in memories that are longer lasting and more powerful than the average sexual occurrence. Or at least that’s my conclusion after talking to 1,000 of people about their sex lives. Strong memories serve to fuel the erotic imagination long after the scene has ended and the toys are put away.

Those on the outside often confuse desire and pleasure and conclude that kinky people are somehow different, or more dangerous than themselves. The truth is kinky people are just better at being adventurous. Taking risks doesn’t come naturally to everyone. And it takes a certain degree of comfort with risk to engage in a lot of kinky activities because the objects although often common, are portrayed and applied in ways that are uncommon, ie perverted. If you want to try a little kink, pick a risk you are comfortable with and dive right in. The pleasure will out weigh the pain, I promise.