What it Looks like When Mistress Gives Advice #sexed #sextips #loveandrelationships



Love and relationship advice. Sex and communication tips. Domination is Psychodrama, a type of #arttherapy there are 4types - visual, movement, music and theatre - aka psychodrama.  Everything you've ever heard about a professional Dominatrix being a therapist as much as she is anything else is probably mostly true (I can't and won't speak for other pros, each of us has our own style and that's a good thing since submissives are as varied as they are numbered like most sexual beings/desires).

Anyway let's get to it...

A former customer asked for some advice and so I gave it. One disclaimer - I actually know this person and their spouse so the advice is light and little less general than what I might give but the truths in this are still the truths (stop telling your wife what you want her to do, stop projecting your fantasies onto her, take responsibility for your own sexual pleasure and BE PATIENT)



One more question ma’amand I’ll let you go. Lately me and wife still have great sex. But I feel like we are begging to hit a slump. She has played with other females over the years. I have no issues. In fact we have an agreement that she can play with women and she should feel free to let me know. I want to be included. By that I would like to set up a massage for that would lead to her being totally relaxed and ‘taken care of’. The masseuse being female preferably male as long as he is hung like a horse. I just don’t know where to look for people who provide those services. Not Craigslist.also how do you suggest approaching the wife about this type of thing.

As you have probably guessed I am a bit bi. The wife knows as well. I haven’t played since I was in college. How should I approach her about me going out to get play as well? Thank you again for you guidance.



Tokyo, Japan

written 1 day ago:

It's your wife's decision what she wants to do or not do and more than your suggestions she needs you to ask her what she wants to do and LISTEN to her response, and give her time to respond if that's what she needs. No pressure is the only way to win.

As for yourself, it might be a nice fit for you as a couple to invite in a third a male who is bi. If you have issues with your wife being with other men you might need to reconsider that if you want everyone to be happy and satisfied. If she doesn't want to see you with another man you may have to go it alone, but I would encourage her to be in on the decision for transparency and safety's sake.

If you want to meet new people a good place to start is happy hours or munches. Real people, real time. I'm not sure what they have in your area, but swingers or kinksters groups would both share your interests.

Also remember, all things come and go in waves. If the 'slump' is just beginning don't focus on it. Be grateful for what you do enjoy and focus on what you want more of with patience, honesty and transparency.

Retail and Event - Client/Customer Review "The Zen Domina"

Once upon a time Mistress worked @Lotus_Blooms and I loved every second of it because the vibe and the products were the best available - luxury, body safe, sex positive, female focused, lush, romantic and beautiful. The following review is from a customer who would frequently shop at the store with his wife. I was also able to enjoy their presence at a few of the events I hosted for @LivingSexyDC. I wanted to share this particular review because it's a comment I receive often and has come to be a sort of emotional trademark and also the reason I am invited back to guest lecture at Universities every semester.

According to my clients, customers, students and yes even my vanilla friends, lol, I have the ability to convey complex and sensitive sexual information in a way that sets the other parties at ease. When this is accomplished the other parties discover they too can discuss their most personal desires with ease and confidence. People just open up, surprising even themselves, with their hidden ability to express their needs and wants. It is at once liberating and fascinating and a phenom that I have come to look forward to with each of my academic (laymen or professional) encounters.

Thank you to my clients who have reached out recently to share words of admiration, love, praise and devotion. You will never know how much your live and support means to Mistress. I am so glad to have the opportunity to share your kind words. I hope they help future seekers find a Dominant who is worthy of their service. All of these reviews were unsolicited delights that arrive in my inbox on a regular and I've decided to begin sharing.

It's short and sweet and I hope you enjoy.

"How are things? Are you still active as a Domina? Me and the wife often talk about you and how relaxed you made the shop you worked and in fun. And how you really were a calming person to have around some of the events we went to."


Another Review - the virgin in the white dress

from a client (do your research before you surrender to a stranger) 



"You are still in my bloodstream - you were the first to bite me and I am forever yours. How fitting that you put me in a white virginal dress that very first time. And how fitting that on another day, early on, you made me your baby. You took me to places I never even dreamed of - and I dreamed a lot. You showed me things I'll never forget."


Review from a client - Do your research before you surrender your self to some stranger

If you are considering booking a session with a professional dominatrix please read below for some words of advice and encouragement from an experienced submissive.

Mistress has just recently started soliciting reviews from regular clients and I have found their words of praise and gratitude to be almost as moving and meaningful as the time we spend together.

I hope that if you are booking a session this spring you will considering surrendering to me, Mistress Domina Vontana. This is especially true if you are a novice.


I have been a loyal client of Domina for over five years.  She is the best.

The world of dominatrixes and "mistresses" is full of women who purport themselves as professionals but who in truth are simply in the scene to make an extra buck.  Don't trust flashy websites.  The reality never lives up to the ads, especially in the mid-Atlantic region.

Domina Vontana is the real deal.  She is sexy, but more importantly, she is experienced and trustworthy.  Her skills as a dominatrix are superb, but her ability to contour the session to your personal desires are unparalleled.  She will leave you wanting more.

Domina has an uncanny sense to understand what you want, and then give you what you need, pushing you beyond your comfort zone.

She is a professional, assuring safety, cleanliness, and discretion.

I can't wait to be encased in her tight bondage again.


What To Say if A Man Tries to Masturbate In Front of you

Disclaimer #1 - I was super sick in this video but I did it anyway bc #goals

Disclaimer #2 - I totally fucking resent having to consider my appearance every time I post. Like I'm mad jealous of male youtubers who just hop on there w a dash of chapstick and a grin. Like fuck you guys. But it's my fault really. I'm a #libra - so even if I wasn't a woman and socially scorned for my physical appearance, I'd probably still be really obsessed with it. As such, making just these first two videos took a lot of soul searching, vulnerability and risk taking bc

Disclaimer #3 - I don't know shit about lighting, sound, film or editing. So for those of you who say you like it raw - here ya are. And to the haters who love to criticize whilst they sit on their arse doing nothing - here ya go. PS - I eat your hate.

It's that time I guess - Join me on Youtube #Polyamory

That day has finally arrived, the day I have resisted for yeeears! I'm officially live on facebook AND Youtube now. The reasons for this are many, but here today I wanted to share my first post. It's a response to some of the comments made during a live stream from one of my favorite youtubers - The Peace Dealer. I reached out to him and told him I wanted to clarify so things after hearing the statements and he said sure.

My intent to reach out on social media is real. My purpose and vision are clear and the time is now. To get started I need at least 1,000 followers on Youtube. I already have almost 2,000 on Facebook www.facebook.com/vontana (you guys and gals are amazing, thank you). So please subscribe to my Youtube channel at www.youtube.com/ministryofkink. I really, really appreciate it. 

Enjoy the video. 

"For Me" this may be the end, of the angry #poetry

Them were the glorious


We had our way

Cowl trippin

Thru the thin and the frame

You thought you knew my name

But you were short trippin on

Some high dollar fame


I tire

I retire

From cooking for me

Doing right by me

Bustin this hitachi at midnight

Fuxking me

Weren't you suppose to be there for me?

What kinda gold gilded bullshit could this be

All I ever wanted was you and me

I'm tires


I tired of cooking

For me

You were suppose to

Appreciate me

I'm tired of sleeping w me

Weren't you suppose to be the one to ho ho hold me?

This life is lonely living with just me

But it's still better than sacrificing me

So you can act like a homey

I'm tires of doing it all

Weren't you suppose to be there

For me?


For me

For me

I do all this shit for me

Bc it's better than being lonely

No way I'm gonna live

With you disrespecting me

Come on baby

I need someone to touch touch touch me

Fuck you

You didn't do a single cent of this

For for me

For me

I not alone but bay

You abandoned me

For me

For me

I do it all for me

I need some relief

Fuck you

You never cared about me

You left me lonely

Rather get High

Rather lie

I rather defy

Than comply

Bc your life is broken eloquently

Shattered glass all around me

Bleeding red

Broke as hell

Getting kicked out of

Even a hotel

Some prince of Siam you is

Can't even keep a roof over your misses

For me

For me

You do it all for me

For me

For me

I'm tires of doing it all

For me

Fuck you

I never knew you

You never knew me

For me

Oops I blogged - #dreams #ume the #unborn speak from the other side

Ok. I lied. Maybe I’m still gonna blog. A little. But only about my dreams. And not my hopes and wishes kinda dreams, but my dreams, dreams. The kinda shit that happens because my scorpio is rising and my IC is on Pisces, and if you know what that means? You know what that means. And if you don’t? Check out youtube.

Dear North Carolina, remember that snow storm in January? That morphed into an ice storm? That turned into three days that no one could go to work because literally all the roads from Durham to Charlottesville we’re a total ice skating rink? Yea, that.

That’s when the slavee decided to show up, relapsed, less than two week out of yet another month’s stint in rehab, in a rental car - already wrecked. FML.

When I heard his voice, it went like this: me waking from a dead sleep “Who is it?” Him: It’s your husband. Me: silently, oh shit.

I had nothing else at that moment, so I decided I wanted a baby, like some females do. Fortunately for me, the Universe is wiser than I, and yet...the Plum tree bloomed. The Japanese plum tree (Ume) that I pasted everyday, covered in snow, now bleeding purfume and dropping heavy pink blooms. My breast exploded. Just three weeks in I found it nearly impossible to hide my secret from friends. I tested positive. I didn’t tell the slave, who was BACK in another rehab.


Then it just happened. I bled. Like females sometimes do.

Yet for three weeks, everyday, I had waltzed over the snow past the tree in our yard, forming its fruits. In Winter. What was it? I asked my roommate, “A japanese plum tree,” he replied. I had never seen a tree that bloomed in winter.

I meditated daily on those branches, on that sweet perfume, on those glorious, defiant fruits until the swelling of my breasts reach their zenith and she was gone.

How do I know it was she? Because she has come to me - everytime. Because her name had been on my lips since the moment I fell in love with her father. Her name was Hazel. And because she came to a friend, who sees all things. And this friend said to me,

“Who is Sue? Who is she?” Sue. Sue? Oh …. Sue.

My friend had seen: Sue cradling my baby, in the nether realm, grasping my unborn daughter’s hand in the other world...Sue was another mother to me - before the tyranny of breast cancer and a lifetime of emotional labor caused her to succumb to an early, undeserved death. The last walk we ever took together, Sue and I, in Montana’s winter land, was at night in the crisp dark air beneath the twinkling stars, between edges of deep snow, holding on to one another. We giggles, we slipped. We grasped one another so we wouldn’t fall. I would never see her again.

So Sue was gone, long ago, left behind in winter’s unwise undoing. And now all these years later I was sniffing the sweet scent of winter’s perfume, but there would be no baby. There would only be fruit that would fall and rot. Hazel was with Sue now, holding hands on the other side.

The seer said, “Hazel wants me to tell you that you did everything right. It wasn’t you. You did everything you were suppose to do. But Hazel won’t come here until the time is right. She wants only the best, for herself, for you, for him. She’s not coming until her father gets his shit together.”

After a month of swelling and sniffing the sweet Japanese plum perfume I wept like the dead when I bled. I hallowed, and few - few understood. They sanctioned me better without the unborn legacy of a man gone mad. They might be right, but so was that soul, that stood so resolute and declared, as she held Sue’s hand, “Mom it wasn’t you - you did everything right. I deserve the most. I won’t arrive until he’s ready too.”

And then I got on a plane and went to Japan. And then he relapsed. And then my heartstrings broke. And then there was no more us. And then...

She haunted me.

The first time I saw her, dreaming on my bed in foreign ground, she was sweet and seductive, as her father lie drowning in a tub of familiar excess, all she said was, “All he wants to do is swim with you.” But water is emotion, and all the buckets in the world couldn’t keep this cohort from drowning so I repeated, “No.” And turned a corner, letting go of her hand. The flashing lights, the opulence, the chaos, “It’s just not my style.” And I left here there, with him.

Hazel, sweet baby Hazel, I didn’t know it was you. I never imagined you would want to hold onto what me, you Mama, couldn’t, didn’t want too. Him. Us. This gateway into this world that you had chosen.

Then she came again. It was deep at night. So long since I’d been touched I felt I might die of fright, freeze right up the next time I came in contact...and there it was. Deep in sleep, late at night, under the veil of Pisces and Scorpio I was TOUCHED. I’ve never lived this long without intimacy, joke as I may about being so tight I’m a born again V-jay, I don’t want dick. All I want is to hold someone tight. To be touched. Contact. Connection.

So there, in the middle of my dreaming night, just last week, as real as this laptop on which I type, an unseen force had emerged from beneath my blankets and I was being touched. And that is all that mattered. Touched. First it was him. Then it was her. Two hands, one on each hip, reaching up from under the covers, grasping, touching, pleasing. Unseen, but felt.

And then they were gone.

And finally two nights ago this karmic story of soul connections came to an end. I gave birth. I felt her crawl, emerge out of my flowering cave, as real as the first time I gave birth and lost. And I begged the nurse, “She’s alive! Where is she? Show her to me!” But she had fled. I had abandoned our dream, because I quit a boy who couldn’t be a man, couldn’t be a father even after she begged me twice not to. I choose myself instead. And that meant she had no more business with me, because our contract? I could not, would not fulfill. Instead of becoming her abandoned, abused mother I chose to free - to free her and me. From a life of uncertainty.

I don’t know where she will be. I don’t know if she ever again will love me, the way she loved me when my breast rose and the petals fell, not so long ago, just last winter, in the snow and the storms, beneath the Japanese plum tree. Her sweet perfume will ever be, my favorite reminder of why I am her and she is she. I’m in Japan. That promise was true. The promise of you? Who knew. Maybe now. Maybe never.

But nonetheless, I love you. I miss her, Hazel. With the emerald eyes and the yellow skin, the copper hair and the unshakable grin. Maybe some lifetime, I’ll get the chance to be your mother, again.


New Moon in Leo - Eclipses - #13Mantras and #kinkylove #recovery

Ok I wasted enough time looking for that one GD perfect picture that would complete this blog to my heart's content - but later...for that...I guess. This one will do tho - Durga (Maa) is a bad ass. She slays demons and upholds moral order. And rides a lion. I dig. Sometimes we are meant to not find the thing we want so we can find the thing we need. 

So here we are again, dear hearts. It's the midst of Leo season. Well, actually the very beginning - zero degrees to be exact, and for those of you who do not know that's basically the most important/powerful point that can be occupied by a season, planet, moment, etc.

Why is this significant? Well because after about 15 years of sitting at this laptop creating fabulous content but with little intent I have figured out there are really only two times I write/post - when I'm experiencing PMS or a Leo transit. Like this one, like this Leo transit, that also happens to include two complete eclipses. Praise Be. Praise Be I'm on this side of the world aka Japan and not that one aka America where the solar eclipse will literally pass over the entire country. No, I ain't trying to be that pagan about it - also another reason I ran to Japan. 

So here's what's happening - slavee has been sober nearly 9 months. The joy in my heart right now, the gratitude, the trepidation, the faith? Cannot be accurately expressed. My baby was barely 21 when I met him. In a few months he will be 30. I have watched him grow from a boy into a man, from a victim to a champion, from an addict to a human, from a friend, to my enemy and finally my husband. And I have watched myself as a Mistress, a friend and a wife do one very important thing - I have released all the codependent tendencies in my life. I am free of the need, once and for all, to please. Oh what, you thought all doms were selfish cunts? I wish, I wish that were true. It's more true that that paradigm is in reality turned on its head and good dominants are some of the most emotionally and mentally exploited folks in the scene. Yea, that. I could have continued my life, unexamined, and functioned well enough. But the trials and tribulations my husbands trauma and subsequent disease put us through gave me the painful opportunity to truly, deeply and madly look at my own self. And only after looking into the heart of the darkness was I able to find total and complete freedom from my own painful, addiction riddled past (my dad died from the disease). In short, my husband saved me from mediocrity. And to a dominant Goddess who values beauty, raw honesty and efficiency there is no greater gift.  

So continuing onward - my husband, my slave, my soulmate is alive. This was something I was not always able to take for granted. There were moments I witnessed death rapping at his door. There were moments I looked at him and said, "The disease is winning, if you want to live you must fight for your life." But he is alive, and he is sober and soon he will join me here, on the other side of the world. And besides riding his perfect cock until it is sore my first agenda is rope, rope and more rope. It has always been slavee's fantasy to experience predicament bondage. I thought I could bottom for rope but alas I was wrong, wrong, wrong. I attended a phenomenon rope dojo last month in Tokyo. I spent exactly 20 minutes in the ropes and a week later work in the middle of the night - every nerve on fire where every fiber of the rope had touched my skin. Thus I am cursed and slavee is blessed that I must relinquish any desire I might have to be inside the ropes (I kinda already knew this) and dedicate my focus to developing the skills of a badass fulltime rope top. 

So yes - Leo season. Last summer I wrote the first draft of my manuscript. That too was during a Leo season. I was alone, at the farm in West Virginia and I spent hours everyday doing it. I'm alone again, in Japan, alone for the first time in Japan. My kinky sidekick @kiarrith took a plane home last week after 5 fucking fabulous weeks together that we shared in my new life here. Now...it's just moi. A few weeks ago, the manuscript started to creep back up on me. It was like a glowing energy growing slowly on the horizon. I know it's time to dive back into her again but GD I hate looking at my own work. It. Makes. Me. Feel. So. Uncomfortable. I'm also experimenting with total sobriety and a new workout routine so all of this adulting is just...adulting. I came to Japan to get serious, and boy have I. This former wake and bake babe hasn't hit the stuff in mooonths and I've never been really good at drinking or interested in much else (too scary, something called acid? are you fucking kidding me? no thanks). But I digress...

So here I am in Japan, being all serious, loving this new life even if I must love it differently than my former one. A time, a season, for everything. I like this new season. The thrills are different. So are the people. The subtly and nuance is enough to make one paranoid - or hyper successful. Today I look again at this manuscript - for the first time since I finished it last summer. I don't have children. My message to the world is my child. It's almost time to give birth and set her loose upon the world. Because what you don't need is another tell all, salacious memoir that exploits stigma for a paycheck. But what I can give you, my people, is the lessons I've learned from it aaalll. From being queer, from being a sex worker, from being a Goddess, from being a drag queen, from being a Dominatrix, from being a preacher's daughter, from marrying my slave, from from from from...

Wisdom. That is what makes the world worth going round. Well that and love. Money and sex may MAKE the world go round sure, but hey, that's not a bad thing either.

Hugs. Kisses. Miss Vee

Rapid Restraints - My first workshop in Japan! #Bondage #Tokyo #Sexed

Just wrapped up a 6 way - on skype, you dirty pervs - with the Kanto Area Kink counsel. They are kind enough to let me join them at the sampler workshop they are organizing this weekend in Tokyo. My portion of the event will include sensual bondage (scarves), verbal bondage (D/s) bondage with plastic/saran wrap and quick ties (rope bondage). I hope you can join us. Follow the links below to RSVP on Fetlife.

Kanto Area Kink Presents: Sampler Workshop

“ Come give it a try!”

I'm Going!maybe going | not going

Date & Time:in 2 daysSaturday, June 10, 2017 · 2:00 PM – 4:30 PM  


Our Space

#101 2-chome 1-1 Hatagaya, Shibuya-ku 151-0072   @ map

Cost:500 yen at the door.

Dress code:Casual to the door. You may change inside, but keep keep it street legal.


Have you ever felt like you've been interested in something for a while, and you just needed to get a chance to try it? Here's your chance! We've been talking about it for a while, and Kanto Area Kink is ready to set off our very first Sampler event! Come join us at Our Space for a few hours of education and sampling, provided by a panel of local experts in a safe environment. Here is a list of activities that we came up with, and have been requested by the Community:

-Impact play
-Electrostim play
-Negotiation Skills
-D/s Protocol
-Breath Play
-Burlesque Seduction/Lap Dance
-Wax Play
-Rapid Restraint (quick ties with simple bonds/verbal cues)
-Tantric Kink/Energy Practices
With the possibility of adding more as we get closer!

What can you expect? All these events are available for people to try from either a bottoming or Topping perspective...our presenters are prepared and happy to instruct as well as provide examples! Depending on how many people show, and the popularity/intricacies of each event, each individual session will probably last ten to thirty minutes, depending on the Presenter...this is purely so we can make sure everyone gets a chance to have a go at all the activities they are interested in, and depending on the flow of the evening, it could be possible for more!

As a side note, this event does fall on the same date as the illustrious Torture Garden, but as this is an afternoon event, there is plenty of time for both!

-No photography.
-No Alcohol
-Presenters have the right to deny a scene for any reason, primarily safety.
-No play outside stations.
-Presenters and other event managers are the final authority on all matters of safety.

Here is a handy map to the location! http://www.maru-z.com/ourspace/Access.html

If anyone has any questions, or wishes to volunteer as a Presenter for an activity they feel qualified in, please post in the related post in the KAK forums: https://fetlife.com/groups/101379/group_posts/10924…