Summer Tour - July 17-24 Richmond and North Carolina

Travel Updates - Richmond, North Carolina July 17-24 email dominavontana@gmail.com. Hey Kids...Mistress Mommy is headed your way. I’m looking for a few good submissives and sissies to join me for some fun times while I tour through Richmond and North Carolina. Mistress will be visiting Chapel Hill, Raleigh, Durham, Jacksonville and Wilmington. Richmond Virginia is also a possibility.

If this is your first time contacting Mistress, do your research. I play for pay and your tribute is due in full up front and you will pay online like every single one of my submissives for the past five years. It’s one of the perks of being at this point in my career. Short notice does not allow for adequate time to establish chemistry and negotiate. Mistress loves negotiation. I love it when you confess your desires and squirm for me. Mistress adores vulnerability and your submission and service will be cherished...while we explore your edges together and Mistress pushes farther than every before. That's why it's called training honey. And that's why discipline is necessary.

My goal as a professional is to take you down deeper, harder and faster than you've ever know into that dark liquid tranquility of your submissive head space. Mistress has unique blend of sincerity, charm and intensity that is undeniable and absolutely hypnotic. I work only with sincere submissives. I adore novices and welcome first time players. My style is very intuitive and intense. I am very hands on and total obedience is mandatory. Total power exchange is my fetish. Whatever you enjoy, whatever you require to surrender and fall into your submissive headspace? That’s what we will do because all Mistress wants is your mind, body and soul and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you never forget the time you spend in service to true Dominant, a Goddess in the flesh.

I hope to hear from you soon.

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Sissy SummerCamp - Packing List

Hi Ladies, Below I've shared some ideas and suggestions in the form of a fantasy letter maybe? lol I mean every word of it - but you don't have to take it that way. A submissive who comes with their own ideas has something to offer. Remember, blank slates are boring. Once you make the deposit and we speak on the phone W/e will go over the following together and Mistress will make sure you have what you will need to enjoy your time to the fullest. We're already starting to book up. The idea has been well received. Mistress knew it would be.

Looking forward to spending the summer in my favorite place with my favorite girls. The following are items I would pack for a weekend with my fellow Goddesses, and likely items they would being also. In story form, I have shared this information as well as a few house rules that are pretty standard for my kinky lifestyle. Other protocol is based on my experience in the dungeon as well as the health conscious lifestyle and I ask these things of you because I think they are important and Mistress believes these choices will improve our time together and your exploration of your femine side. 

Story Time...

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Sissy Summercamp Packing List - Be. Do. Explore.

When I was a little girl, I loved the ritual of packing for summer camp. My parents sent me every year to the little compound up the road full of earnest young Christian children, eager college age counselors and righteous adults.

This is not that summer camp. Do you hear me Sally? Regina? Dorothy?

At this summer camp you come as you are, who you really are. It doesn’t matter if she shows up in a black trash bag because that’s the only way you can sneak her out of the house. We will find a way to put her back together again.

So what is in this bag? What goes in every good girls suitcase for summer camp?

Well every girl will need the following:

A towel, sunscreen, toothbrush, toothpaste. Floral scented shampoos conditoiners and lotions are made available for all guests.

Every special girl will need the following:

Wig cap, half a dozen pairs of pantyhose (at least), face razor, body razor, exfoliator, makeup remover, baby wipes, eyelashes, silicone inserts (breasts), bra, panties, slip, satin tank, shoes (one pair each, boots, heels, flats). If any special girl feels another choice fits her personal style more then she is invited to bring those items with her. Use of cell phones is discouraged during your stay.

Basic wardrobe requirements are two sarongs, one for the body and one for the head. Head coverings are elegant, very feminine and strongly encouraged during your stay at summer camp. Wigs are excellent choices for nights out and your photography session. Clip on earrings are reccomended but may be more difficult to locate so shop online or shop early. Thrift stores often have a few pairs of clip on earrings.

If there are any items you wish to donate to our closet at summer camp you are welcome to bring those items with you and if they are useful and fill a need in our collection we will happily keep them for you. You may return at any time to retrieve your items.

Your host, Domina Vontana, is a Goddess. This Goddess serves beauty and discipline. Heavenly beauty and Eartly discipline. Protocol requires that all guest present gifts to the Hostesses upon arrival. This is the first ceremony. Guests also change clothing at this ceremony. Have at least the two sarongs ready to go when you arrive and make sure to wear appropriate undergarments upon arrival, because you will be stripped and made to dress to the specifications of the head Mistress. Chastity is strongly encouraged. Please place the device on your body prior to arrival.

Wine is encouraged. Domina Vontana’s favorite wines are Savignon Blanc and Sangiovese. Hard liquor is not permitted. Smoking cigarettes is discouraged and must be done outdoors at all times. All cigarette butts must be disposed of in the proper container. Perfume, incense and sweet smelling flowers should be in every room during your stay so come prepared to contribute to the atmosphere of summer camp. Oils that contain anti bug properties are strongly encouraged as well as soothing scents. General recommendations include Tea tree, sweet orange, grapefruit, rosemary, jasmine, geranium, vanilla, bergamot, and lavendar.

Guest are encouraged to bring a water bottle and a baseball cap or large brim sun hat  to protect against exsposure. In addition a beach towel is recommended. If a photo shoot is part of your sissy summer camp experience then bring the items with you and make sure they have been pressed and are camera ready on the day of your sitting.  All meals will be vegetarian except for the closing ritual and dinner. Most meals are also gluten free. If you have any allergies you must let the hostess know before booking. All reasonable accommodations will be made however meat is not permitted except for at the closing ritual. All meals are prepared and eaten as a group.

Daily activites are determined in the morning by team consensus between hostesses and guests, collectivey known as the sisters. Participation is not mandatory, but taking emotional and psycholocal risks that you have contemplated for some time are stronly encouraged. Gentle but firm is the approach that guides all our actions, even in the midst of a heavy S/m scene. Most things are not given enough time, but at SSC (Sissy SummerCamp) time is what we have and time is what we take. Practice lounging like a Goddess, or cleaning like a real maid. You know what you need. Domina Vontana and her team of hostesses are here to remind you that you are worthy and provide you with the opportunity to be, do and explore.

 

Sissy Summercamp Washington DC - Spend the Weekend with a Goddess Exploring your Feminine Side

Congratulations ladies, life just got a whole lot more beautiful.

I have an opportunity over the next few months to host a number of special guests at a home just outside Washington DC. Thanks to the generosity of the land owner we will have the entire property for just us, including 9 acres of beautiful mountain forests. Whatever your style is, it can become a reality in this beautiful setting surrounded by Mother Nature and guided by yours truly, Domina Vontana.

Most of our adventures will happen indoors, though. First step is a total transformation and then you can spend the rest of the time exploring your feminine side and the world around you. Some requests for makeup and clothing can be accommodated but undergarments are recommended. If you need help with wardrobe, Mistress may be able to come up with something for you.

What happens next is up to us. There’s a fabulous gay night club just up the road or we could go for a swim. Have you ever worn a bikini? Mistress has a bikini fetish. What’s sexier than a woman in a wet bikini? Nails, waxing, chastity? My fantasy is to take your transformation as deep and as far as it can go in the time we have together.

At night we will do what women have always done - we will cook, we will eat, we will drink, we will laugh and then we can do what girls do - we can curl up and watch movies in our pajamas. Mani pedis. Bellydance. Anything you can dream we can do.

What, too nice? You’d rather be forced to dress, humiliated and made to serve? Oh, no problem. We can do that too. Mistress always enjoys finding a slave’s limits. Just remember, we’re going to be in the middle of the woods so no one can hear you when you scream.

There will be rituals to purify and seal our time together.

It will be a weekend away that you will never forget. Weekdays are also available. Day trips are possible with advanced notice. All rates are negotiable because every guest is unique and deserves special attention to their needs. Rates start at $500 for overnight accommodations. Full dungeon services are available as well. This is the opportunity for you to attend the summer camp of your little girl dreams, with big girl themes. It won’t happen again. You deserve it. Get in touch. Email dominavontana@gmail.com

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What the Earth gave Me #poetry

Poetry


I love the way the Air buzzes

And the bees sing their angry staccato song

I’m grateful these bees dont sting

And so far the hornets have not

I’m grateful for only a few bug bites

That I have learned to locate early

And treat successfully

I’m grateful for a blue sky

With white clouds above

The green line of the mountain top

Ridge

I am grateful for a sun so bright

I have to shutter my eyelids

Just to look in to this

Amazing alive world

To stretch and feel the surface

Of last nights stone pressed

Into the muscle through the skin

For water that is filled with the fertilizing miracle that is bird shit

I am accepting of the imperfection

That borders every ideal placement

I make of this rainbow of colors and

Sounds this kaleidoscope of worldly sensations and symbols I wake up to feel Your soft green skin your victorious pebble beneath my bed trying to break my back with your unrelenting Wildness it is to you only to you That I can break can surrender

In the dark under the full moon stars

Tossed and tangled against the navy

Night sky my breath echos of painful memories bouncing off night bird calls and the palpable stillness that is this planet at night floating through the dark side in the morning I am taken again and the story unfolds over

And over in this after life my small

Life after the pain after the cheers

When all the noise of life has receded

Back down the country road again

I am never able to forget for even a moment in my sensational waking dream that I am alive that I am alive

On this earth that she has everything I

May need and I am never never alone

 

The Bitch is Back

The prodigal Goddess has returned. After a year in Asia, the place looks the same but I feel very different. And it's off to #Chicago #BDSM May 12-16 to book email dominavontana@gmail.com

 

Greetings from Washington DC! Mistress wanted to take a moment to update you now that I am back in the US. I was greeted at the airport by one of my longest serving subs (10+ years) who shuttled me around, shared a cup of coffee and generally kept Mistress in good mood while the jet lag kicked in full force.

 

I spent the first few days back in Baltimore with my kinky side kick @kiarrith who is a submissive disguised as an invaluable friend. Every time I find myself somehow mysteriously on my way to the destination in a timely manner, hydrated with time for hair and makeup and accurate directions - I always have her to thank. This week it was walking to my lecture at Johns Hopkins that I realized once again she had done it. In the past this magic has helped Mistress succeed at many special events and workshops. It's a real treat for me when I can just focus on my work and it's a gift that a skilled service bottom (or slave or submissive) is especially good at giving. 

 

Johns Hopkins was the best it’s ever been. I’ve lectured there for a few years now, once a semester, for the human sexuality and gender class. The students at JHU are by far the most serious cohort I’ve ever worked with even more serious than GWU or Georgetown. So when I get them to laugh, it means a lot to me. I posted a live stream of one of the lectures (I lecture for three two hour classes in one day so lots of talking and sharing) and although the video is low quality, the information I share is priceless so I do hope you will check it out.

 

 

The following day, my third full day back in the country I was able to reconnect with a friend and regular client. The client and I have a lot in common including a love of sensual bondage, think scarves and beautiful silky things, and no not even for crossdressing, just bondage. Sensual, by the way, is not a description of the application, but the material, which is to say I can make severe ties from beautiful things. This time the surprise I brought along was a small tool to begin exploring sensation play while my client was tied to a chair and immobile. Next time we are going to begin exploring mummification together. I’m excited to consider what types of beautiful feminine materials we can pervert to create the vision.

 

Then Friday it was back to the boy, and the fur babies, and the feathered babies, and the land - oh my goddess the land. And the sunrise and the sunset and the WIND - the price paid for such priceless views. The first night I ground my sacral chakra so hard against the Earth I think I created a new style of kundalini yoga. In the meantime, I'm available for lectures and lessons with individuals and groups in Washington DC and Baltimore. I prefer as much advance notice as possible. Sincere submissives only. Novices welcome. Email your questions to dominavontana@gmail.com and follow me on twitter.com/dominavontana and instagram - domina_vontanadc. Thanks and be good! Miss Vee




 

What it Looks like When Mistress Gives Advice #sexed #sextips #loveandrelationships

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Love and relationship advice. Sex and communication tips. Domination is Psychodrama, a type of #arttherapy there are 4types - visual, movement, music and theatre - aka psychodrama.  Everything you've ever heard about a professional Dominatrix being a therapist as much as she is anything else is probably mostly true (I can't and won't speak for other pros, each of us has our own style and that's a good thing since submissives are as varied as they are numbered like most sexual beings/desires).

Anyway let's get to it...

A former customer asked for some advice and so I gave it. One disclaimer - I actually know this person and their spouse so the advice is light and little less general than what I might give but the truths in this are still the truths (stop telling your wife what you want her to do, stop projecting your fantasies onto her, take responsibility for your own sexual pleasure and BE PATIENT)

 

QUESTION from a CLIENT

One more question ma’amand I’ll let you go. Lately me and wife still have great sex. But I feel like we are begging to hit a slump. She has played with other females over the years. I have no issues. In fact we have an agreement that she can play with women and she should feel free to let me know. I want to be included. By that I would like to set up a massage for that would lead to her being totally relaxed and ‘taken care of’. The masseuse being female preferably male as long as he is hung like a horse. I just don’t know where to look for people who provide those services. Not Craigslist.also how do you suggest approaching the wife about this type of thing.

As you have probably guessed I am a bit bi. The wife knows as well. I haven’t played since I was in college. How should I approach her about me going out to get play as well? Thank you again for you guidance.

 

ANSWER FROM MISTRESS

 39F
Tokyo, Japan

written 1 day ago:

It's your wife's decision what she wants to do or not do and more than your suggestions she needs you to ask her what she wants to do and LISTEN to her response, and give her time to respond if that's what she needs. No pressure is the only way to win.

As for yourself, it might be a nice fit for you as a couple to invite in a third a male who is bi. If you have issues with your wife being with other men you might need to reconsider that if you want everyone to be happy and satisfied. If she doesn't want to see you with another man you may have to go it alone, but I would encourage her to be in on the decision for transparency and safety's sake.

If you want to meet new people a good place to start is happy hours or munches. Real people, real time. I'm not sure what they have in your area, but swingers or kinksters groups would both share your interests.


Also remember, all things come and go in waves. If the 'slump' is just beginning don't focus on it. Be grateful for what you do enjoy and focus on what you want more of with patience, honesty and transparency.

Retail and Event - Client/Customer Review "The Zen Domina"

Once upon a time Mistress worked @Lotus_Blooms and I loved every second of it because the vibe and the products were the best available - luxury, body safe, sex positive, female focused, lush, romantic and beautiful. The following review is from a customer who would frequently shop at the store with his wife. I was also able to enjoy their presence at a few of the events I hosted for @LivingSexyDC. I wanted to share this particular review because it's a comment I receive often and has come to be a sort of emotional trademark and also the reason I am invited back to guest lecture at Universities every semester.

According to my clients, customers, students and yes even my vanilla friends, lol, I have the ability to convey complex and sensitive sexual information in a way that sets the other parties at ease. When this is accomplished the other parties discover they too can discuss their most personal desires with ease and confidence. People just open up, surprising even themselves, with their hidden ability to express their needs and wants. It is at once liberating and fascinating and a phenom that I have come to look forward to with each of my academic (laymen or professional) encounters.

Thank you to my clients who have reached out recently to share words of admiration, love, praise and devotion. You will never know how much your live and support means to Mistress. I am so glad to have the opportunity to share your kind words. I hope they help future seekers find a Dominant who is worthy of their service. All of these reviews were unsolicited delights that arrive in my inbox on a regular and I've decided to begin sharing.

It's short and sweet and I hope you enjoy.

"How are things? Are you still active as a Domina? Me and the wife often talk about you and how relaxed you made the shop you worked and in fun. And how you really were a calming person to have around some of the events we went to."

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Another Review - the virgin in the white dress

from a client (do your research before you surrender to a stranger) 

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"You are still in my bloodstream - you were the first to bite me and I am forever yours. How fitting that you put me in a white virginal dress that very first time. And how fitting that on another day, early on, you made me your baby. You took me to places I never even dreamed of - and I dreamed a lot. You showed me things I'll never forget."

 

Review from a client - Do your research before you surrender your self to some stranger

If you are considering booking a session with a professional dominatrix please read below for some words of advice and encouragement from an experienced submissive.

Mistress has just recently started soliciting reviews from regular clients and I have found their words of praise and gratitude to be almost as moving and meaningful as the time we spend together.

I hope that if you are booking a session this spring you will considering surrendering to me, Mistress Domina Vontana. This is especially true if you are a novice.

REVIEW FROM CLIENT:

I have been a loyal client of Domina for over five years.  She is the best.

The world of dominatrixes and "mistresses" is full of women who purport themselves as professionals but who in truth are simply in the scene to make an extra buck.  Don't trust flashy websites.  The reality never lives up to the ads, especially in the mid-Atlantic region.

Domina Vontana is the real deal.  She is sexy, but more importantly, she is experienced and trustworthy.  Her skills as a dominatrix are superb, but her ability to contour the session to your personal desires are unparalleled.  She will leave you wanting more.

Domina has an uncanny sense to understand what you want, and then give you what you need, pushing you beyond your comfort zone.

She is a professional, assuring safety, cleanliness, and discretion.

I can't wait to be encased in her tight bondage again.

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What To Say if A Man Tries to Masturbate In Front of you

Disclaimer #1 - I was super sick in this video but I did it anyway bc #goals

Disclaimer #2 - I totally fucking resent having to consider my appearance every time I post. Like I'm mad jealous of male youtubers who just hop on there w a dash of chapstick and a grin. Like fuck you guys. But it's my fault really. I'm a #libra - so even if I wasn't a woman and socially scorned for my physical appearance, I'd probably still be really obsessed with it. As such, making just these first two videos took a lot of soul searching, vulnerability and risk taking bc

Disclaimer #3 - I don't know shit about lighting, sound, film or editing. So for those of you who say you like it raw - here ya are. And to the haters who love to criticize whilst they sit on their arse doing nothing - here ya go. PS - I eat your hate.

It's that time I guess - Join me on Youtube #Polyamory

That day has finally arrived, the day I have resisted for yeeears! I'm officially live on facebook AND Youtube now. The reasons for this are many, but here today I wanted to share my first post. It's a response to some of the comments made during a live stream from one of my favorite youtubers - The Peace Dealer. I reached out to him and told him I wanted to clarify so things after hearing the statements and he said sure.

My intent to reach out on social media is real. My purpose and vision are clear and the time is now. To get started I need at least 1,000 followers on Youtube. I already have almost 2,000 on Facebook www.facebook.com/vontana (you guys and gals are amazing, thank you). So please subscribe to my Youtube channel at www.youtube.com/ministryofkink. I really, really appreciate it. 

Enjoy the video. 

"For Me" this may be the end, of the angry #poetry

Them were the glorious

Days

We had our way

Cowl trippin

Thru the thin and the frame

You thought you knew my name

But you were short trippin on

Some high dollar fame

 

I tire

I retire

From cooking for me

Doing right by me

Bustin this hitachi at midnight

Fuxking me

Weren't you suppose to be there for me?

What kinda gold gilded bullshit could this be

All I ever wanted was you and me

I'm tires

 

I tired of cooking

For me

You were suppose to

Appreciate me

I'm tired of sleeping w me

Weren't you suppose to be the one to ho ho hold me?

This life is lonely living with just me

But it's still better than sacrificing me

So you can act like a homey

I'm tires of doing it all

Weren't you suppose to be there

For me?

 

For me

For me

I do all this shit for me

Bc it's better than being lonely

No way I'm gonna live

With you disrespecting me

Come on baby

I need someone to touch touch touch me

Fuck you

You didn't do a single cent of this

For for me

For me

I not alone but bay

You abandoned me

For me

For me

I do it all for me

I need some relief

Fuck you

You never cared about me

You left me lonely

Rather get High

Rather lie

I rather defy

Than comply

Bc your life is broken eloquently

Shattered glass all around me

Bleeding red

Broke as hell

Getting kicked out of

Even a hotel

Some prince of Siam you is

Can't even keep a roof over your misses

For me

For me

You do it all for me

For me

For me

I'm tires of doing it all

For me

Fuck you

I never knew you

You never knew me

For me

Oops I blogged - #dreams #ume the #unborn speak from the other side

Ok. I lied. Maybe I’m still gonna blog. A little. But only about my dreams. And not my hopes and wishes kinda dreams, but my dreams, dreams. The kinda shit that happens because my scorpio is rising and my IC is on Pisces, and if you know what that means? You know what that means. And if you don’t? Check out youtube.

Dear North Carolina, remember that snow storm in January? That morphed into an ice storm? That turned into three days that no one could go to work because literally all the roads from Durham to Charlottesville we’re a total ice skating rink? Yea, that.

That’s when the slavee decided to show up, relapsed, less than two week out of yet another month’s stint in rehab, in a rental car - already wrecked. FML.

When I heard his voice, it went like this: me waking from a dead sleep “Who is it?” Him: It’s your husband. Me: silently, oh shit.

I had nothing else at that moment, so I decided I wanted a baby, like some females do. Fortunately for me, the Universe is wiser than I, and yet...the Plum tree bloomed. The Japanese plum tree (Ume) that I pasted everyday, covered in snow, now bleeding purfume and dropping heavy pink blooms. My breast exploded. Just three weeks in I found it nearly impossible to hide my secret from friends. I tested positive. I didn’t tell the slave, who was BACK in another rehab.

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Then it just happened. I bled. Like females sometimes do.

Yet for three weeks, everyday, I had waltzed over the snow past the tree in our yard, forming its fruits. In Winter. What was it? I asked my roommate, “A japanese plum tree,” he replied. I had never seen a tree that bloomed in winter.

I meditated daily on those branches, on that sweet perfume, on those glorious, defiant fruits until the swelling of my breasts reach their zenith and she was gone.

How do I know it was she? Because she has come to me - everytime. Because her name had been on my lips since the moment I fell in love with her father. Her name was Hazel. And because she came to a friend, who sees all things. And this friend said to me,

“Who is Sue? Who is she?” Sue. Sue? Oh …. Sue.

My friend had seen: Sue cradling my baby, in the nether realm, grasping my unborn daughter’s hand in the other world...Sue was another mother to me - before the tyranny of breast cancer and a lifetime of emotional labor caused her to succumb to an early, undeserved death. The last walk we ever took together, Sue and I, in Montana’s winter land, was at night in the crisp dark air beneath the twinkling stars, between edges of deep snow, holding on to one another. We giggles, we slipped. We grasped one another so we wouldn’t fall. I would never see her again.

So Sue was gone, long ago, left behind in winter’s unwise undoing. And now all these years later I was sniffing the sweet scent of winter’s perfume, but there would be no baby. There would only be fruit that would fall and rot. Hazel was with Sue now, holding hands on the other side.

The seer said, “Hazel wants me to tell you that you did everything right. It wasn’t you. You did everything you were suppose to do. But Hazel won’t come here until the time is right. She wants only the best, for herself, for you, for him. She’s not coming until her father gets his shit together.”

After a month of swelling and sniffing the sweet Japanese plum perfume I wept like the dead when I bled. I hallowed, and few - few understood. They sanctioned me better without the unborn legacy of a man gone mad. They might be right, but so was that soul, that stood so resolute and declared, as she held Sue’s hand, “Mom it wasn’t you - you did everything right. I deserve the most. I won’t arrive until he’s ready too.”

And then I got on a plane and went to Japan. And then he relapsed. And then my heartstrings broke. And then there was no more us. And then...

She haunted me.

The first time I saw her, dreaming on my bed in foreign ground, she was sweet and seductive, as her father lie drowning in a tub of familiar excess, all she said was, “All he wants to do is swim with you.” But water is emotion, and all the buckets in the world couldn’t keep this cohort from drowning so I repeated, “No.” And turned a corner, letting go of her hand. The flashing lights, the opulence, the chaos, “It’s just not my style.” And I left here there, with him.

Hazel, sweet baby Hazel, I didn’t know it was you. I never imagined you would want to hold onto what me, you Mama, couldn’t, didn’t want too. Him. Us. This gateway into this world that you had chosen.

Then she came again. It was deep at night. So long since I’d been touched I felt I might die of fright, freeze right up the next time I came in contact...and there it was. Deep in sleep, late at night, under the veil of Pisces and Scorpio I was TOUCHED. I’ve never lived this long without intimacy, joke as I may about being so tight I’m a born again V-jay, I don’t want dick. All I want is to hold someone tight. To be touched. Contact. Connection.

So there, in the middle of my dreaming night, just last week, as real as this laptop on which I type, an unseen force had emerged from beneath my blankets and I was being touched. And that is all that mattered. Touched. First it was him. Then it was her. Two hands, one on each hip, reaching up from under the covers, grasping, touching, pleasing. Unseen, but felt.

And then they were gone.

And finally two nights ago this karmic story of soul connections came to an end. I gave birth. I felt her crawl, emerge out of my flowering cave, as real as the first time I gave birth and lost. And I begged the nurse, “She’s alive! Where is she? Show her to me!” But she had fled. I had abandoned our dream, because I quit a boy who couldn’t be a man, couldn’t be a father even after she begged me twice not to. I choose myself instead. And that meant she had no more business with me, because our contract? I could not, would not fulfill. Instead of becoming her abandoned, abused mother I chose to free - to free her and me. From a life of uncertainty.

I don’t know where she will be. I don’t know if she ever again will love me, the way she loved me when my breast rose and the petals fell, not so long ago, just last winter, in the snow and the storms, beneath the Japanese plum tree. Her sweet perfume will ever be, my favorite reminder of why I am her and she is she. I’m in Japan. That promise was true. The promise of you? Who knew. Maybe now. Maybe never.

But nonetheless, I love you. I miss her, Hazel. With the emerald eyes and the yellow skin, the copper hair and the unshakable grin. Maybe some lifetime, I’ll get the chance to be your mother, again.