Ok I wasted enough time looking for that one GD perfect picture that would complete this blog to my heart's content - but later...for that...I guess. This one will do tho - Durga (Maa) is a bad ass. She slays demons and upholds moral order. And rides a lion. I dig. Sometimes we are meant to not find the thing we want so we can find the thing we need.
So here we are again, dear hearts. It's the midst of Leo season. Well, actually the very beginning - zero degrees to be exact, and for those of you who do not know that's basically the most important/powerful point that can be occupied by a season, planet, moment, etc.
Why is this significant? Well because after about 15 years of sitting at this laptop creating fabulous content but with little intent I have figured out there are really only two times I write/post - when I'm experiencing PMS or a Leo transit. Like this one, like this Leo transit, that also happens to include two complete eclipses. Praise Be. Praise Be I'm on this side of the world aka Japan and not that one aka America where the solar eclipse will literally pass over the entire country. No, I ain't trying to be that pagan about it - also another reason I ran to Japan.
So here's what's happening - slavee has been sober nearly 9 months. The joy in my heart right now, the gratitude, the trepidation, the faith? Cannot be accurately expressed. My baby was barely 21 when I met him. In a few months he will be 30. I have watched him grow from a boy into a man, from a victim to a champion, from an addict to a human, from a friend, to my enemy and finally my husband. And I have watched myself as a Mistress, a friend and a wife do one very important thing - I have released all the codependent tendencies in my life. I am free of the need, once and for all, to please. Oh what, you thought all doms were selfish cunts? I wish, I wish that were true. It's more true that that paradigm is in reality turned on its head and good dominants are some of the most emotionally and mentally exploited folks in the scene. Yea, that. I could have continued my life, unexamined, and functioned well enough. But the trials and tribulations my husbands trauma and subsequent disease put us through gave me the painful opportunity to truly, deeply and madly look at my own self. And only after looking into the heart of the darkness was I able to find total and complete freedom from my own painful, addiction riddled past (my dad died from the disease). In short, my husband saved me from mediocrity. And to a dominant Goddess who values beauty, raw honesty and efficiency there is no greater gift.
So continuing onward - my husband, my slave, my soulmate is alive. This was something I was not always able to take for granted. There were moments I witnessed death rapping at his door. There were moments I looked at him and said, "The disease is winning, if you want to live you must fight for your life." But he is alive, and he is sober and soon he will join me here, on the other side of the world. And besides riding his perfect cock until it is sore my first agenda is rope, rope and more rope. It has always been slavee's fantasy to experience predicament bondage. I thought I could bottom for rope but alas I was wrong, wrong, wrong. I attended a phenomenon rope dojo last month in Tokyo. I spent exactly 20 minutes in the ropes and a week later work in the middle of the night - every nerve on fire where every fiber of the rope had touched my skin. Thus I am cursed and slavee is blessed that I must relinquish any desire I might have to be inside the ropes (I kinda already knew this) and dedicate my focus to developing the skills of a badass fulltime rope top.
So yes - Leo season. Last summer I wrote the first draft of my manuscript. That too was during a Leo season. I was alone, at the farm in West Virginia and I spent hours everyday doing it. I'm alone again, in Japan, alone for the first time in Japan. My kinky sidekick @kiarrith took a plane home last week after 5 fucking fabulous weeks together that we shared in my new life here. Now...it's just moi. A few weeks ago, the manuscript started to creep back up on me. It was like a glowing energy growing slowly on the horizon. I know it's time to dive back into her again but GD I hate looking at my own work. It. Makes. Me. Feel. So. Uncomfortable. I'm also experimenting with total sobriety and a new workout routine so all of this adulting is just...adulting. I came to Japan to get serious, and boy have I. This former wake and bake babe hasn't hit the stuff in mooonths and I've never been really good at drinking or interested in much else (too scary, something called acid? are you fucking kidding me? no thanks). But I digress...
So here I am in Japan, being all serious, loving this new life even if I must love it differently than my former one. A time, a season, for everything. I like this new season. The thrills are different. So are the people. The subtly and nuance is enough to make one paranoid - or hyper successful. Today I look again at this manuscript - for the first time since I finished it last summer. I don't have children. My message to the world is my child. It's almost time to give birth and set her loose upon the world. Because what you don't need is another tell all, salacious memoir that exploits stigma for a paycheck. But what I can give you, my people, is the lessons I've learned from it aaalll. From being queer, from being a sex worker, from being a Goddess, from being a drag queen, from being a Dominatrix, from being a preacher's daughter, from marrying my slave, from from from from...
Wisdom. That is what makes the world worth going round. Well that and love. Money and sex may MAKE the world go round sure, but hey, that's not a bad thing either.
Hugs. Kisses. Miss Vee