I gotta write this blog first so I can do anything else. The humidity level is rising (apparently June is the worst in this island nation...rain,rain won’t go away). And my hormone level continues to rise as well. When my cycle finally starts this month it’s going to be like a dam bursting and I’m going to gleefully stand in the flow and drown myself while it all goes down - my tits, my weight, my belly. It ain’t easy being a Goddess. Every month is a near evolution in femininity. I get why some women choose to lock it all behind a chemical door. But that’s not my style. True confession: I live for the red raging river because I never feel more alive than when my entire body is pulsing with the painful sacrifice of shedding and I’m still standing, despite the discomfort, the mood swings, the migraines.
Slavee got dumped, again, this month. Not his fault, the timing anyway. But the reasons? Aaalll his at this point. Mistress is done done done with thirsty bitches. I think this is becoming a recurring theme in the life of this blogger. Recovery ain’t easy either baby and I was a Class A co-dependent for most of my life. But it’s worth it. I’m a giver. I want a giver, because I want balance. Fuck opposites attract - when did that ever make anyone happy? “Love is a meditation in the ultimate surrender” - @nadiyashah (she’s a Class A astrologer who introduced me to the world of Youtube and all it’s fine forecasters and I vibe on her energy she’s so positive a light in a dark world thank you Nadiya).
And the food - dear Goddess how I ache. The stomach. She’s hurting. Am I bitching? Good, I earned it. Two full nights now up and trying to figure out whether I accidentally ate some gluten (ok maybe not sooo accidentally) or whether my spleen is about to rupture. Seriously, I’ve cheated before but it’s never, ever felt like this and I’m starting to get worried. My physical well being has always been a priority and in this new land I’m not always sure what I’m doing. Ok, most of the time I’m clueless. And once again I’m on my own. My host works, a lot. And I’ve always been more than a bit of a loner, although a friendly one...so wandering the aisles of my local grocery store with Google translate open on my phone is fine by me but some days it feels like between my budget and my nutritional needs I’m getting just about no where. And that’s when I break down and just buy one of those little bento boxes that they mark down 50% at 9 pm and I go home with a bottle of cheap sake and say, “Fuck it - I’m in Japan,” and put on Netflix and chill.
Yesterday, Mom called. She’d been trying to reach me for a day, so I answered. I was in public. I sat down on a bench. Turns out that bench was a bust stop. That’s when the old Japanese man screamed in my face about talking on my fon and his tiny old friends all laughed. I rolled my eyes, kept talking and walked away until I found a suitable wall to lean against in some nondescript corner. It’s absolutely forbidden to talk on your phone or play music on (or near apparently) public transportation. Like the dude just appeared out of nowhere. I was exhausted from a day on my feet in this humidity riddled nation (it’s worse than Seattle) and it was an honest mistake. And it was my Mother, bitch. And a huge #Gaijin moment. Won’t be my last. Oops. Sorry (not sorry?). That and the drunk Japanese woman yelling Gaijin go home at me last weekend in the gayborhood. The thing is they have zero follow through, no guns, no violence. But ay-yo the Olympics are going to be veeery interesting.
Quick disclaimer - most of these people, ok like all except the two mentioned above? Are angels. I love it here, the loneliness is just starting to set in but hey it means I blog more now because this is my escape back to English speaking land and my cultural safe space so there’s that and yes I still love it here and would rather be yelled at by harmless xenophobes than watch my own POC citizens get systematically oppressed by their government and shot down by cops with guns. Yea...this, over that, any day. But especially today.
It’s raining, again, of course. Speaking of cheating I need to get my steak on tonight. TGIF. Once a month. I live for that juicy red piece of protein that I only allow myself just prior to the other juicy redness that I love. They go hand in hand. Science, nutrition, nature - do it or it’ll do you because the only thing more ancient than sex is her flow.
All right...I’ll write...I think that is enough. You got your fix and I got my emotional/brain dump and can return to more potent matters at hand:
Guess who has a photo shoot and feature profile in her new country coming up in two weeks? Yip Yip iii Me.