Recently a transgirl was barred from shelter during an active shooter DRILL in the Stafford VA school district. Tonight a group of activist are traveling there with letters in support of this girl and her family. I was so moved I donated money for gas and food and wrote the following letter. I thought Id share it here.
October 9, 2018
Dear Students family and staff in the Stafford VA school district,
I am a daughter. A preacher’s daughter. I get you.
I am the co teacher for the human sexuality and gender class at Johns Hopkins. I get this issue.
I am also a professional Dominatrix and this is the first time I have used my full legal name in conjunction with my professional title so I hope you will take my message seriously. In my work I deal regularly with the fallout from untreated gender dysphoria. I get the impact your actions had on this student and the negative consequences that she is suffering.
The good news is...I think your school district has an opportunity to make a powerful impact on your community and country.
“Whatever you do unto the least of these, you do until Me.”
The only power children have is persistence - persistent questions, cries, whines. If your child told you for years they knew they were actually a transboy or transgirl eventually you’d need to seek outside expertise. Once you did that you would be informed in no short order and with little doubt that without medical intervention your child’s future would involve suicide attempts, drug abuse, and at some point homelessness (the majority of homeless youth are LGBT, roughly 40%). Then you as a parent would have to make the choice to protect your child’s health so they could grow up to be happy. So they could grow up at all. So that they won’t take their own lives or die from an overdose.
And guess what? All of those negative health outcomes are NOT manifestations of transgenderism. They are the result of the abuse, misuse and lack of resources that every trans persons experiences at some point.
This is a CHILD. Never forget this. This child is NOT a monster. But you made her feel like one because of a lack of preparedness due possibly to an unwillingness or inability to address an issue that is rare yet nonetheless so consequential to our communities as you are experiencing right now. This mistake is unfortunately all too common. However, now is your chance to pivot and show the world the true nature and heart of your community.
You owe this child and her family a formal apology - in word and in deed. I for one will hold you more accountable for what you do NOW, than what you did last week. Because that is dead and gone and this girl is still alive and what she needs now is your overwhelming love and support because the lifelong impact of the trauma your lack of foresight, thoroughness and ineptitude caused can have serious negative outcomes for the rest of her life and could impact your community in terrible ways by encouraging hate, ignorance, violence and desertion.
Let me explain how trauma works - it’s like a ball of tin foil, every trauma is another piece layered around that ball and as such ever future trauma is experienced a part of the larger history of trauma that still lives in the memory, cells and heart of survivors.
So this week you will either set a little girl up to succeed in life because you will teach her she can trust those tasked with her care in the public spaces to support and protect her from those or you will sanction the type of ignorance and violence that threatens her life and her future everyday. I beg you to have compassion, and to rise above the tremendous amount of bullshit and put this child first, to put her on the same level as her classmates, and to make sure that the country knows what is truly in the hearts and minds of your communities.
I do not think there was intent to harm, but you did. Say you’re sorry and fix it so we can forgive, forage alliances and get back to the best medicine - education.
God is love.