the After #draft #care #Beforeandafter

Ok so I started the Vday with my first ever instagram video. Wth. This is all new to me.


Let’s be honest, I barely have the time to show you what’s going on and to make what’s going on go on. All at the same time. It’s rediculous. Who does this? I did it. Because #valentinesday


One of my mantras is let the love win. And that’s what this holiday is all about. That and kink, apparently, these days.


This year I honestly felt like having a kinky play date was the most vanilla thing I’ve ever done on this hallmark holiday. It feels like everyone is going to kink out this valentine’s thanks to yet another 50 Shades movie. My life is a live action cliche reflected back at me from the media. But this is not a mirror and ethical players have a lot problems with the images being projected onto us.  Kinky isn’t cool anymore. It’s crazy. At this point 50Shades is just a thriller with some kinky sex thrown in.


Kink is dead. Like the phoenix, we’ll rise. The feminist movement has been in it’s third wave for well over a decade. Kinksters are experiencing the arrival of the second generation of players, a second wave of hobbiest, life stylers and full timers who are more likely than ever to also identify as queer, POC, transgendered, or sex worker because WE ARE ALL SEXUAL MINORITIES.  

Kink is dead. It’s mainstream now, in a terrible kind of way that is part turn on but zero part tutorial. These stories are purely fiction, the work of the author’s mind, not her life. Whether it’s a novel, a character on on television show (usually some detective bit) or an entire movie it’s FICTION.


Yet, It’s not enough to read about it, you want to do it.


The two questions I always get asked about 50 Shades is “ok now what” and “why did this turn me on so much.” Maybe you find yourself somewhere on that spectrum. Well the doing of it looks much like life as you know it now but with more gear and a little less free time. For some it’s a hobby. For others it’s a way of life. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. It’s not the kind of thing you can turn back from. It requires it’s own coming out story. Being out about being kinky is good for ratings but a huge risk for actual kinksters. I’ve met players who feel they have lost jobs, homes and children because they were vulnerable enough to be honest with coworkers, landlords and family.


I struggle with it everyday. A part of me want’s so badly to be ‘normal’ but the closest I can come to that is surrounding myself with bad ass vanilla women. Because anywhere else? It just doesn’t make sense. I think I’m doing just fine and the next moment I’ve crossed some imaginary line. That just doesn’t suit my disposition. I like a party, not drama. But I made the choice to be out when I was young. At the time it was the best way to disarm the enemy. Many of whom were members of my own community #friendlyfire


But this is about letting the love win. So let me tell you about my favorite part about the sexy NYE event we do each year - watching regular people fuck. And by regular I mean yes you’re camp of gym bunnies and their walking cocks (so hot) but mostly just normal people who are thoughtful about their appearance and horny/proud/confident enough to walk around naked with a bunch of strangers. It’s so much better than any porno I’ve ever watched. Because it’s actually real, real.


Phew, yea. It’s that good. I don’t participate, hello control freak, but I love to watch. Mostly I like to listen. The dungeon is always in its own room, naturally, so I don’t see a lot of it. I just listen. And honestly even in the dungeon it’s so damn crowded after a few good scenes I’m just basically a glorified dungeon monitor the rest of the night. And glorious it is. Every year.


So my new glasses arrived. It’s a whole new world. It’s dirty and I need to pick up some eye cream. And maybe a silk pillowcase and an eye mask because fuck this. I do steam baths every night with essential oils because I think the number one contributor to aging is drying. This is true within and without. Meaning I should drink A LOT more water than I do.